I missed Wednesday’s post. I almost missed today’s but I hung in there and got this patched together whilst I still had my sanity. I’m combining these posts because Random Wednesday is my usual freak-out-and-ramble day whilst Friday is my I’m-looking-at-artists day. But today is not really an artists day and I feel I need to put something up. Just something, a little something to tell you all I’m still here. Still alive. Still breathing.
Click here if you want to skip the rambles and get straight to the art. Or stay and listen for a while.
I think I finally understand the feeling of the colour grey. It’s probably the best way to describe how I feel – I feel grey. Maybe even Grey on a good day. But today, its grey. Just grey.
The feeling of grey is, maybe, the saddest one of all. I don’t usually feel in terms of colours, but if I did, I’d probably describe feeling bouncy or happy or generally full of life as (spring) green or (buttery) yellow, or feeling sad as a little blue with passionate moments in shades of red, tinting both love and hate. Envy is probably a sickly olive or a dark blackness eating away inside. I try to get rid of these colours immediately since they’re not good for me, but a tiny crumb of black remains at the corner of it all.
Today I’m feeling the colour of rain, of that dark overhanging sense that life is falling apart at the edges, just out of the corner of your eye. It’s not quite sad and it’s not quite truly empty, it’s just grey. Bland, empty, almost lonely except I’m amidst a crowd of people clamouring for attention. It’s not quite true sadness but underneath it all is a bubble of tears that if I let them get to high might pop and send me spiralling down into the deep blue of despair. It’s a feeling I was used to, a feeling that hasn’t quite ruled my life in a long while, but pops up every now and then.
I’m not quite a people person yet, though I’m better than I was. I can sit and smile, talk, find things to say, maybe even laugh a bit and crack a joke. I can take teasing and am learning to tease back with the best, but as soon as someone with a large personality takes to floor, I crawl back inside myself and vanish. I’m still sat there, honest, I’m still listening to everything everyone is saying, it’s just a bit much and its hard for me to deal with all the noise or all the sudden overwhelming presence of a look-at-me-pay-attention-to-me personality.
Recently there has been a return to the quiet timid little me due to events that are not quite in my control and I’m a little disorientated with the loss of the weekly routine of university. Things are getting half done and I find myself sleeping late and staying up even later. This has probably added to my feeling of grey which is punctuated with moments of blissful pick-me-ups of social events and people actually seeming to care whether or not I’m feeling hunky dory. My feeling of grey also isn’t helped by the required absence of my partner, who has been called away to babysit scoutlings for the weekend. At least I’m not going to be alone all the time, since we have a festival thing on Saturday afternoon where we’re singing Tudor pieces and generally being social, not to mention monstering later that evening and church on Sunday. Then my partner returns for the night before going home to visit his parents and take his brother out to the pub for his birthday (or something along those lines). It’s not long and then the little ball of sunshine returns for good to brighten the end of the week and then I have too much to do to worry about feeling grey.
Also does anyone have a good remedy for back pain? I’m half dosed on my prescribed medication for a previous complaint and although it’s numb and no longer quite so staggeringly oh-my-god-my-sides-are-going-to-split painful, I can feel the tightness where it should hurt and sitting down for any length of time is proving quite uncomfortable. Hopefully it’ll wear itself out in a few days and I’ll be back to normal again, though I was wondering if the Internet had any advice. Anything?
Very little art has been done this week with the weekend visit to my parents and the general lack of oomph I’ve had this week. More to come hopefully, maybe Demon Prince related or more Sons of Lur stuff.
I love owls and I love falconry and this picture just speaks to me. I don’t know if it’s the colours or the expression on her face or the beautiful attention to detail in the eyes and foliage or the light through the trees. But I love this picture.
I’m a huge fan of NadezhdaVasile’s work and her amazing characters, but this picture made me stop this week and stare. It’s a familiar scene for me, having fallen asleep with a book before and having occasionally had to rescue books off my partner. So peaceful, so serene.
Not much really, save some cross stitch and the on going hood for Lord A384. Nothing much really happened this week really.